Networking? Get Curious

When I bring up networking, or worse, a networking strategy, most people react as if I’d just asked them to chew on tin foil.

“I don't want to walk up to a stranger at some event and ask them for a job.” Fair. I wouldn't want to do that either.

But who said that's what networking has to be? Networking events can be great. The problem isn't where you're meeting people. It's how you're approaching them.

Lead with curiosity.

I had an experience recently that reminded me just how simple that can be. While my mom was in the hospital, one of her night nurses was a young man a few years out of nursing school. Every time he walked into her room, it was like a beam of light came with him. He had a huge smile and talked with me, but really focused on my mom and saw her as a person, not a patient. He was not only good at his job, but I could tell he loved what he did, and I got curious.

When did he decide he wanted to be a nurse? Why nursing? Did he like his job? Was it living up to what he'd expected? So I asked him if he'd be open to meeting me for coffee sometime because I'd love to learn more.

His response? “You want to know more about me? Then, sure!”

And just like that, I made a new connection. You might be thinking, “Robin, I think you just made a friend.” Maybe I did.

And maybe networking isn't all that different.

We've taken something humans do naturally: meet people, get curious, find common ground, stay in touch—and we've turned it into an activity with name tags, elevator pitches and an agenda. No wonder people hate it.

The problem with traditional networking advice is that it often starts with you. Who should you meet? What should you say? How can this person help you? What's your elevator pitch? What's your ask?

Curiosity changes the direction of the conversation. Instead of walking into a conversation thinking, What can I get from this person?, you walk in wondering, Who is this person? What can I learn from them?

That's a very different conversation.

I'm not going into nursing. I don't need anything from him. But someday I may meet someone who's considering nursing and wants to know what it's really like, and now I know someone they might be able to talk to. Someday, I might be able to help him. Or maybe neither of those things will ever happen. That's okay, too. Every connection doesn't need to have an immediate purpose to have value.

That's how a network grows. Not by figuring out what someone can do for you, but by getting curious, investing time and getting to know them.

And if you're trying to build your network, maybe that's the better place to start. Don't ask yourself who you need to meet. Ask yourself who you'd like to know.